Of Horoscopes and Sentaps

Horoscopes. They’re everywhere. Papers, Magazines, Internetz, Android App, iOS App, Blackberry App. You read them? I won’t say I’ve never read them, but suffice to say it would be the last thing I read. Maybe when I’m in the toilet and just want something to read while pinching the loaf. You believe them?

I have nothing against people who read horoscopes. Sometimes I have fun with magic 8 balls too (sometimes I play with my balls, just like any self respecting man would). But don’t let them rule your life, affect your decisions. Ooh, I won’t be compatible with him/her because our zodiacs are different species of animals! Whoa, this person is totally my soulmate because our zodiacs are like Bonnie and Clyde and Beyonce and Jay-Z! You’re just putting walls and expectations that shouldn’t be there. It’s Percaya kepada Qada’ dan Qadar, not Percaya kepada Horoskop. ZING! mungkinkah tersentap dan terkesima? jatuh terduduk dalam posisi tahiyat akhir dan insof? apa reaksi anda?

Those are stars, but what about the Moon? People go crazy when the moon is full. Is there any truth in that? I know Saiyans turn to big ass king kongs during full moon. And Lycans. Maybe the Lunar gravity has something to do with all the craziness that is during full moons.

Enough with the heavenly bodies.

A friend of mine told me people might get the wrong impression of me after reading my blog. I might get a wrong impression of me after reading my posts. Too open? Too generous with cuss words? Too angry? Too perverse?

fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck, fuck.

Sentap? Don’t be.

What I write here is my interpretation of my life and the events occuring around them. I express myself freely, without chains to limit my vocabulary and expression. I may sound harsh in my writings, but that’s just me playing with words. I type better than I can talk. So I may be spewing lines of incomprehensible gibberish booyakasha boombastic words just to sound awesome, and to confuse my readers.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have a potty mouth. But my potty mouth is reserved for general everyday fuck ups, e.g. “pukimak celaka babi anak haram punya burung, berpesta tahi muda mudi kat kereta aku plak!!! HWARGH! bertukar jadi inkredibel HALK!! FFFFFUUUUU!!!”, but you probably never heard me saying that because I only say that in private. Not in public, not in anyone’s hearing field. Not to anyone’s face.

In person, you don’t need to hear my lose my top to know I’m pissed. It’s when I go quiet with a murderous face; now that’s when you should be afraid. Run and hide. RUN. and HIDE. Nah, don’t run, just nurture me with love. I’ll go soft before you know it.

Then there’s this thing called respect. I still have some of that intact, so I know when to control my vocabulary around kids, old fucks (kanak – kanak, jangan panggil warga emas old fuck okay, tak semenggah!), and the laydeeeees. Unless you specifically requested me to talk dirty, that is.

So read everything here with an open mind. I assure you, I am not as vulgar as my writing is informative and educational (huh?). Or maybe I am. Take a shot!

The Architect who built a brickwall. And I drove straight into it.

Remember when I said I found someone new? I did. She’s something, but not for me though. Went out with her a few times, but the last one was an eye opener. Really opened my eyes, like “nah hambik kau! stalat dahi!”.

It started well. that’s what I thought anyway. So what is it? Same shit, different girl.

As I said, it started well. First contact was on okcupid*. We talked through okcupid, seemingly interested in each other. Fast forward one week, one boring sunday she suggested that we meet, since she had to buy something (SKII – that’s not cheap stuff – made from Unicorn tears!) at One Utama, and I haven’t eaten. She drove from Kinrara to Hillpark, left her car at my place and took my car instead. She gave me a blowjob in the car, at the OU carpark. That was a nice surprise! I was excited and nervous at the same time! Ooh the thrill of getting caught added to the experience!

She wanted to eat at Sushi Zanmai if my memory serves me right, but the place was full and the queue was super long. Instead we had dinner at Chili’s, which was fine. I felt we really connected; questions about work, family, life (and clubbing, alcohol, and drugs) were shot back and forth between us. It was fun. It felt good. Chatted until the outlet was closing. Went back to my place and had sex. Sweet, sweet sex. Man, she can really bend her body, like a contortionist. I fucked a contortionist in ways you can only imagine. Humans can bend like that??

So after the first meet (not a date, although it felt like one), we continued to talk through sms. I remember telling her to text me when she’s safely home, and she did. For the whole of next week, she would text me everyday without fail. I liked the attention. Finally someone thinks about me everyday! Finally someone is interested to know how my days went by! Her constant texting made me feel like she’s really into me. I started thinking, could this be it? Have I finally found someone to make a story of us?

At the end of the week, she went to Perhentian Island. The trip was planned well before we got to know each other, so I was cool with it and wished her a safe trip, hoping that when she returns, we would continue what I thought was a courting process, like getting-to-know-each-other phase. Mating dance, if you will. We had sex before she left for Perhentian. I fucked a contortionist! In my car! Awesomesauce! Not while driving though, that is just so irresponsible! Always have a condom (or two) in your glovebox, guys!

Things started to go downhill after she came back from the Perhentian trip. No more daily texts. She wasn’t interested in me, and what I did for the day. Not anymore. Not like the week before. She was beginning to turn cold. I played it cool, although my suspicious mind was playing tricks on me. She must have met some hunk at Perhentian with a bigger dick than mine. Damn it!

Suddenly things turned for the better, or so I thought. One boring Saturday night, got a text from her, asking me to join her for dinner. She’s an Architect who most of the time works on weekends. So it was a late dinner for her after a full Saturday in the office. I duly obliged and we met at Pappa Rich Bangsar. Had dinner, talked about her trip and shit. We were the last to leave. Did we head anywhere after that? No, but we did have sex in my car in the parking building. Spice up the sex life! Adventurous Nymphomaniac, yes? After sex, we said our goodbyes and after a quick blow job, we went our separate ways.

That gave me hope. She ain’t going anywhere. She’s enchanted by my dick. I’m a good fuck, uberfuck! ALL HAIL THE UBERFUCK!

The days went by without any dramas or shit. We were both busy with work, she being an Architect (busy career, i know), and I the Engineer (The UberFuck!), doing maintenance on the lrt tracks. I was starting to miss her, no shit. So one night I gave her a call, talked about work and other mundane stuff. At the end of the call she promised we would hang out the coming weekend.

Come Friday night, she texted me to hang out for drinks with one of her lady friends. Oh, this is interesting, threesome maybe? As the norm goes, she left her car at my place and I was the driver for the night. Imagine going out with two chicks, I felt like a PIMP. Balak nak mampus! It had been long since I last went out with a girl, now I have TWO!

We went out quite late, around 1 am from my place. Ended up at Changkat Bukit Bintang and settled down at 21 bar. The time was 1.30am, and she had to open a bottle WTF?. 12 year Chivas. Yeah, like I can drink that much. But I am not elaborating on the drinking. This is the night when she showed her true colors. Flirting and exchanging phone numbers. Yes, she’s a friendly girl, indeed. Friendly, or flirty?

Ladies, let me give you girls a pointer. If you ask me out for a drink, don’t fucking ignore me the whole night. Not cool, I say. Not cool, indeed. Instead, it was her friend who tried to make small talk with me the whole night. I couldn’t even get close to her. She was too busy flirting, just not with me. I was invisible.

Even my close friend’s girlfriend agreed the girl was rude for what she did that night.

Guys, having two hot chicks with you will get you free entries into clubs! The bouncer at Doraisamy saw me with the girls and ushered me in. No cover charge!

So the night ended with us heading back to my place. The desperately horny dude who dry humped her the whole night got nothing but pre-cum and blue balls. Back at my place, her friend passed out on the living room couch. My architect friend and I had sex. It was good. Started in my room, continued in the shower, ended on my bed. We fell asleep after the fucking. I woke up a few hours later with my dick in her mouth. Sex, we did it again. Took a shower together afterwards and what do you know, things got a little out of hand and we had shower sex. I’ll spare you the details.

Her friend woke up just after we had finished sexing in the shower. They left not long after.

As I was lying on my bed, thinking about the night before, I began to assess the situation I was in with this architect. We clearly can be friends, with benefits to boost, but romantically I don’t think we were going anywhere. I was looking for a steady relationship. She clearly still wants to flirt around and dry hump with random strangers at clubs. When I confronted her about the diminished frequency of her texting me, the excuse was “I’m not the texting type”. Yeah, right. The constant daily text a few weeks before; what was that? Not texting type my arse. She lost interest (to pursue me further) somewhere along the way, I guess.

I decided to do the three day test. Keep a distance for three days and see if she looks for you. Nope, still quiet after three days. That tells me something, I am not constantly on her mind. Not anymore. Nice.

The rational me decided not to waste any more time and effort on this girl. Treat her as a normal friend, nothing more, nothing less. Nothing romantic, but I’d never say NO to sex.

So it has ended with me not feeling anything special towards her. No grudge, she’s just a 20 something girl who’s still confused, and still wants to have fun. I’ll be around if she needs me, but this time I’m no longer the ‘yes man’ for her.

There you have it, the latest episode of my roller coaster love life.

All the blowjobs, fucking in the shower, fucking in the car…did not happen. I got you excited for a moment there, didn’t I? It’s what good writers do, sprinkle some sex here and there. Everybody LOVES to read about sex. Deep down, we are all perverts, don’t you dare say you are not.

Peace out everybody. Be cool, don’t be a fool.

*okcupid = okcupid.com [duh!]

moving on

so it has been a while since i wrote here. not much has happened, except that i have moved on.

yes, no more of the same sorrow that’s been plaguing me for so long.

a new beginning. found someone. too early to tell though.

[title goes here]

Para. 1: [a brief introduction. share with your readers what happened over the weekend, how it made you feel. tell your readers how you feel now, and how that feeling is not similar to the former. yeah, yeah..she makes you happy, she lets you down. rinse, and repeat.]

Para. 2: [rant about your love life. rant about the same girl as per previous similar posts. tell your readers about this latest screw over. but (spoiler alert!) it's the same old story. express your feelings in a calm manner. come on, who are we kidding? cuss all you want, brah!]

Para. 3: [try to defend your stubbornness, not giving up on this girl. liken the girl to a chipsmore cookie, to give the readers a hint of what the girl is like in your life. explain to your readers, you tried to forget this girl (like cutting off all forms of communication), but she would always pop up into your life (just when you're getting comfortable). remind the readers how she made you feel when she's around. how she made you think she's opening her heart for you. she keeps deceiving you!]

Para. 4: [tell your readers this cycle is going to repeat itself many times. how you don't know how or when it's going to end. oh it has to end!]

I LOL-ed

Ha, I knew it!

how long has it been?

Aug 6, 2010 chat log

“sunyi sepi skng” = [insert your own interpretation]

see, i told you this would happen.

Dear You

Dear You,

I’ve known you for a few years. I remember the first time I saw you, and I said to myself, “go say hi to her”. And I did, I said Hi to you at the parking lot. I gave you my card, hoping that you’d call me. You didn’t. I didn’t care, no harm in trying.

One day we bumped into each other. You saw me and smiled. I smiled back. So it started. You were a student, your route were similar to mine, so sometimes we bumped into each other, sat together and just talked. I had a crush on you. You knew, but you were not available. I didn’t care, just as long as we’re friends.

It wasn’t easy, but I didn’t mind. I didn’t want to push you. Just go with the flow. I was single, you befriending was good enough. I wanted more than that, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Then you were gone. I was disappointed, but I understood. I moved on. Slowly but surely, I managed to get you out of my mind. I was doing fine without you. I didn’t event think about you.

Earlier this year, I received a missed call. I called back, it was you. “What’s up?”, you asked me. “Nothing,” I replied and said “Why did you call me? Anything I can do for you?”. “Oh nothing, just wondering why a certain someone kept quiet for a long time”. That “certain someone” was me. So it started again. This time, you were single. Fine by me.

For a few months, I was happy. I get text messages from you almost everyday, we talked on the phone a few times a week, we went out for dinners and movies. I was happy. Maybe this is it. This went on for a few months.

Sometimes, when we were alone in the car, stuck in traffic jams, we’ talk about anything. About you, about me, about anything. I would sneak something about “us” here and there, but all I get from you is “can we change the subject?”.

I should have known. Between you and me, there is no “us”. That missed call to me because you were bored. Because you just broke up. You needed me to fill that void, because you were lonely. You only needed me temporarily to keep yourself occupied, until you found a new someone.

The biggest hint would have to be when you promised to watch a movie together. I even bought the tickets in advance because you promised. Surprise, surprise, you cancelled at the last minute, less than two hours before the show. Way to  bring a guy down. I still keep the unused tickets on my wall, as a reminder. Sure, you apologized, that’s cool. I don’t think that apology was sincere though. Why do I think that? Because you only said “sowwy” a few days later, after I texted you to say “Hi”. You just didn’t care. By the way, I feel bad for you. Speech impediment? Can’t pronounce the word “R”? Haha, I’m just being mean.

I guess you found a new someone. Text messages have been slow, not as frequent as it used to be this few months back. You’re not as quick to reply to my text messages. Not picking up your phone, not returning my calls. Just like the “good” old days, huh? Just disappear without a word.

You used me, do not deny this. Bored? Call me to take you out for a movie. Lonely? Never fear, I am just a phone call away. The BEST would have to be when you asked me to pick you up because you had no one else to drive you home. I am nothing but a guy you use when you’re bored and lonely, and also your CHAFFEUR. Touché, girl, touché. You played your game well, using some who likes you for you own advantage. Well, that word should be in the past tense now. I liked you then. Now? Not very much.

Hey, I have something for you. After what you did to me,

you deserve this

You fooled me once, you fooled me twice. Thrice? Ain’t gonna happen.

Aah, feels good to let this out. Good therapy. Bitter? Nah, just pissed. What self respecting man wouldn’t be?

I would still survive. I’d stay away from you for now. Until you’re bored and lonely and want to play again. But I won’t be fooled again. Next round, you be the fool.